Lovers' Infiniteness By John Donne

If yet I have not all thy love,

Dear, I shall never have it all;

I cannot breathe one other sigh, to move,

Nor can intreat one other tear to fall;

And all my treasure, which should purchase thee—

Sighs, tears, and oaths, and letters—I have spent.

Yet no more can be due to me,

Than at the bargain made was meant;

If then thy gift of love were partial,

That some to me, some should to others fall,

         Dear, I shall never have thee all.

Or if then thou gavest me all,

All was but all, which thou hadst then;

But if in thy heart, since, there be or shall

New love created be, by other men,

Which have their stocks entire, and can in tears,

In sighs, in oaths, and letters, outbid me,

This new love may beget new fears,

For this love was not vow'd by thee.

And yet it was, thy gift being general;

The ground, thy heart, is mine; whatever shall

         Grow there, dear, I should have it all.

Yet I would not have all yet,

He that hath all can have no more;

And since my love doth every day admit

New growth, thou shouldst have new rewards in store;

Thou canst not every day give me thy heart,

If thou canst give it, then thou never gavest it;

Love's riddles are, that though thy heart depart,

It stays at home, and thou with losing savest it;

But we will have a way more liberal,

Than changing hearts, to join them; so we shall

         Be one, and one another's all. 

Counting days

178.
Yes sun would have to rise and set that many times more for us to meet.
I miss you too often to count and today after talking to you.....I counted how many days away you are from coming back to the United States of America. And it is 178. Well it is a little less than 6 months- which perhaps makes me feel better.
I want to tell you so many itsy bitsy details of my daily life here.....show you around my new house and introduce you to my new room mate.... Ask you to stay over for a week before you go to Miami and then do something fun or crazy every single day- Go on Hawthorne Trail to watch the Sunset, go to Kanapaha Gardens for an afternoon, run everyday, hang out in the downtown for a night, watch a drama at the hippodrome, go for a medieval fair, camp out one night near Paines Prairies ( it would be perfect if it is full moon night with clear sky or even no moon night with countless stars), go tubing, explore one of the many waterholes near here, go to SW Rec for group fitness and do Bosu or Yoga or Zumba together, wear sari and gopi dots to go to temple, snuggle together on the beanbag, make veggie burritos together or spring rolls, stay up all night ( well, almost all) and talk, giggle at each other's craziness....... So many many things......

So you do all your stuff in India fast fast and extremely well....Learn Kannada and a little naivety of the village folk...... You might be a little tanned and a little leaner- but bring back my Krit with all her chirpy pranks!!!!

Miss u.....
and yes it is only 177 now....

Ladybug Love

I have not been at Paines Prairie for a LONG time....I miss going on a drive with my face sticking out of  the window- eyes closed, feeling the wind on my face, as if it is the remedy to all maladies!!!! I miss beholding the moon, counting the stars and watching the shooting star dash.... I miss hearing the frogs croak, mosquitoes hum and the hustle of leaves, whispering to each other the secrets of the night.... but I miss hanging out with you even more.....

I miss our little closed door conversations, our chit- chat away from the boys, hearing you wish me "Good Morning Lady Bug" but most of all your laughter- the sound of sheer happiness and sometimes mischief.....

I miss your hugs, your endearing way of getting our lazy room mates to do things that are pending, your fiercely spirited games......

I realize what a blessing it is to have had all these at some point or another- It is true, I miss it- but I miss it in a content way.... knowing well that you are doing what you must do, to continue the victorious journey of life....I know you are making a difference, touching lives of people in way only you can do- enlivening it with your endless energy....

I am proud of your determination, your courage, your amicability, your resilience..... to be so away from home at a place with a new language, culture and people....

Although I miss everything about us, I know we miss nothing- we are as close across distances as we were when we lived together- distances are merely a dimension in the physical world- in the infinite dimensions of our world- loss of one little dimension means nothing- nothing at all.....

Sending you my ladybug love- across the oceans, seas, deserts, mountains and everything else that are between us.....

Spirits Unlocked

It is true that in this day and age, we must be wary of what we put on the internet. But my dearest, we have a home here! Sometimes I am nervous about our open declaration of happiness and dreams..! What if someone sneaks in and steals the goods???

Let it be, because I miss you, and my magic jack is useless.

I love that you have adorned our home with this beautiful rug. It really is like coming home to a refreshing new environment that someone set with love. I read your poems, and I feel my heart call out. I am amazed at how connected we are, because the anguish is felt within me. Then I think of your smile, and I think that nothing can tear you apart. Stay you, be you. Vadappu, they call it in Kannada. =)

I look at the moon, and I think that you must be looking at it too at some point. I put my head out the window, let my hair down, and let the mysore breeze take me back to 13^th street, Gainesville, FL. I miss the times we stood out of the car, declaring our free-spirit to the world. 

I guess that is us. That is why our home is unlocked.

My heart reaches out to you, my dear! I am with you and I feel that awkward pain thing in my heart and stomach when you hurt, and I am full of life when you smile. So stay you, stay free, stay happy, be you.

Unexpected friendship!

This blog entry is a month too late, nonetheless I am glad to be here.... to talk about life and it's unexpected ways. I still am unsure of how much I am willing to be here out on world wide web- but I guess that is a gamble I must take. This blog is the  home of a beautiful relation- a lotus that bloomed amidst all muck. 


It is funny how life changes- the purple bean bag has become a memorial in the living room.... It is just not the same without my friend. What fun is a beanbag anyway, if you don't have your dear one to snuggle with? Every time I pass across, it reminds me so much of her. She stormed into my life when I was least expecting it and stole my affections without my knowledge. We are such unlikely people to be close friends- she is full of vibrant energy, honest to a fault, attractive and cute with the most charming ways.... She is blunt, she is straightforward but most of all she has such a soft caring heart. I work quite differently- I am laid back and kind of boring with a dry sense of humor.... I love children and elderly- perhaps I get along best with them... I am selectively stubborn and no matter how soft I appear to be- I am quite a tough nut! I am socially challenged in ways more than one, while my friend is quite a professional in that regard. I am mushy and romantic- she is pragmatic and level headed... She rarely gets bored of shopping and I detest shopping with a passion ( unless it is for books and stationary ofcourse ;) ) The ways we are different are countless!!!
And yet, she tip-toed into my life and became one of my closest chum!


When I went through a very trying period, she gave me strength that (most likely) only a girl can give- she told me when I was being stupid and silly, she held my hands and hugged me close when I felt overwhelmed. She just listened when I wanted to talk and spoke to me at length what I needed to hear- not always what I wanted though- and that was the best part!


She is such a strong girl- I am glad to have her in my life.... 


Actually, I can praise her or criticize her anytime..... This blog is about how life brings blessings in our way where we least expect to find it- when everything seems dark, light comes from the crack on the wall instead of the crystal chandelier..... and that is the beauty of life.....


We don't need to find similar people to love- all we need is an open mind and accepting heart. The willingness to accept our faults and short comings and the realization of the fact that we can love and be loved even when we are not perfect.....It is such a relief to know that those who really care and love, will love us even when we mess up....


She is younger to me and yet she gives me very mature analysis of life- the truth is sometimes we are so caught up in the problem that we can't see it clearly... it takes a relatively unbiased person to help us see it objectively....Age is often just a number. I always deal with her like I am elder to her, just as to all those younger around me- nonetheless it remains a truth that wisdom is not strictly a function of age... The more we open up to the possibility that others could know a lot, no matter their age, we will be more equipped to deal with life in all its unpredictability.


I am so thankful for the gift of our unique friendship, I am so thankful for the love we found in each other. Sun wakes her up nearly half a day ahead of me- yet the distance don't separate us..... we are together, forever in our lovely beanbag- untouched by the hands of distance and time; I thank God for that!!!!

Room-mating..!

There’s something about a bean bag. The coziness, the structure (or the lack therein), and the color purple. Mostly though, it’s the company and mindset you’re in. Some of my dearest moments in life will be those spent with my dear dear ladybug on the purple couch. Life didn’t give us a chance to be real and official roommates, but it gave us something much better.

We didn’t need to fall in love. And so we did. When I was going to college, I barely knew her. She came when I was almost leaving. We extracted some moments from life. We stopped time, work, and the regular flow of life. We took one week off, and brought that beanbag home. We lay on it, dreamy-eyed, half asleep. It reminded me of the days spent in Rajasthan when the family would all sleep together on the roof, above the desert and under the stars. Well, ladybug and I slept on this beanbag in a college apartment in Gainesville in 2010, with the porch door open, a star or two watching us from the crack in the door.

Who knew that casual and polite conversation could strike such love. Who knew that we’d become such close friends. That closeness is felt even more when we’re geographically so far away. This virtual home of love will serve to remind me of the love we shared, of the love I have committed to her, and of the love that is now within both of us. 

This is a dream home. A fantasy for friendship. Shahjahan built the Taj Mahal in Mumtaz’s memory. We have built this home together in the love for each other. Obviously, it is more practical, more modern, but essentially, it is also simply and purely a statement of everlasting love.

Dear World Wide Web, thank you for providing this accommodation for two love kittens that could not fulfill their dream of being true roommates, but did not give up on their dream.

We loopholed it…! We live here together until the end of internet…!

143 Virtual Home, The Purple Bean Bag, blogspot.purplebeanbag.com, World Wide Web- 4eva